


I Know, I Know His Darkness

by AerisCruent



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: AerisFic, Angst, Comfort, Dark, Darling Pan - Freeform, F/M, Fanfiction, Hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-06
Updated: 2013-12-06
Packaged: 2018-01-03 15:52:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1072324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AerisCruent/pseuds/AerisCruent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's easy to lose your mind when you're trapped in a cage for over a century.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Know, I Know His Darkness

**Author's Note:**

> So... this is my first OUAT fanfiction, and also the first thing I've ever written in English. Since it's not my native language, I make mistakes. When you find some, please, let me know it. I'd like to get better. Thank you =)
> 
> So, about the story: Wendy is trapped in Neverland over a century, and she spends the whole time in a cage. It seems like to me that in the canon story we don't have to worry about Wendy being in the cage for a century, but I played with the thought. What would she feel, what would she think, what would she do. And what would be her relationship with Peter like.
> 
> I hope you like it =)

There is darkness all around me, and I start to fuse with it. It's like being a drop in the ocean, a second in the eternity, where the moments dissolve into each other, there is darkness and silence everywhere. Even if I see the sunlight shining down on me through the shadows. Even if I hear some light noise from outside. Whatever is changing, everything stays the same.

Ba-dum... Ba-dum... It's been awhile since I started to hear my own heart. It doesn't sound strange anymore, but I remember how weird the first time was when I heard the quiet beats. It was like hearing myself from outside, like it wasn't me but only my body. In these days I only sense the faint touch of hard boughs, or my numb muscles. Like it's not me who it's happening to, like it's a dream of something not beautiful. But it's not a nightmare anymore. Sometimes there is true peace here. Sometimes, when I feel like I'm everything here, and I can't tell where I end, and where my prison starts. At these moments I'm just afloat between dream and reality. I look blank – this is what other people would say, but I don't look anywhere, and I don't see anything. Except...

Sometimes he comes here, and sits down on a broken tree. Maybe he wants to have detachment, be rid of everything, of the island, of himself. I haven't said a word to him for a long while. The desperate prayers, the screamed cursings are over. I can't even hate him anymore. Everything is vanished out of me, only the darkness and the silence left. There is just only one thing that can break trough this tight fog. My attention, that begins to rise when he's around me. I don't need to look at him, or hear his voice. Sometimes an almost forgotten sparkle of a past life breaks out of me, and I turn away from him because of my pride, I even cross my arms. This happens more rarely and rarely. Most of the time I just cast my eye over him, I don't want his eyes to meet mine. Then I just close my eyes, and sense his presence. I can only focus on this, that he's here, that who knows why, but he's still here.

It's been awhile since he doesn't speak to me either, or just barely. He tried to soften me up, challenge me, or just talk to me. Neither of them was successful. Then he started to make a one-sided conversation with me. As the time went by it became more a monolog than an attempt to communicate with me. Then he started to use less and less words. He got speechless. In these days he barely says something, and even if he does, he has no intention with it. He sinks in his clouded mind.  
Sometimes the curiosity awakes inside me. Why does he look for me, why does he feel time to time that his place is here. Whatever the answer is, whatever impossible our connection is, he keeps coming back.

Maybe I am his shelter. Maybe he looks for comfort from me, because I can be the only one who he doesn't have to act his role to, who he can just be next to, just the way he is.

When it runs through my mind, that I may be his resource, the anger always overwhelms me, even if I thought it won't be capable of ruling me anymore. When I see this red, I need to scream, I need to push my body against my cage, and reach for him, get his face between my hands, and scratch it sore with my nails. Instead of this, I just take a deep breath, but I know he does know what this sigh means.

Because I know he's focused on me, just as I am on him.

I know he knows every move of me, that I don't even know who I am, that I'm lost, I fell apart into million pieces, and melt into his island.  
I know he knows I am not anymore who he made fall into his trap.  
I know that he tried to hold on to that girl so hard, but she dissolved into ash between his fingers, and now he inhales her whenever he's here.  
I know he is mourning for her all the time, I can see the gaping emptiness when I look at him.  
I know his soul echoes from missing, and I also know, that something deep inside him is burying him alive. Something, that he can't call its name, but I know that it's guilt of killing her, the only one he could maybe love.  
I know when he looks at me, he sees a corpse, or a dawning memory when my body was still filled with her.  
I know that I'm the only one who can understand this side of his at least a little bit, his deformed humanity, as he sits here desperately craving after a thrown away life.  
I know... he's the only one for me who can bring her back into me, even if it's just for a flying moment, the only one who can make me feel something, that I believed I've lost a long time ago.  
I know he's the only one who can make me feel alive.  


_Because I am his shelter. And he is mine._


End file.
